


Rick and Morty: Invasion of the Body Swappers

by NiekV



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 07:03:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6460510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiekV/pseuds/NiekV
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fan episode of Rick and Morty written in screenplay form. Like many episodes it parodies famous science-fiction stories. Elements like body swapping, gender swapping and STD's all make an appearance. Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rick and Morty: Invasion of the Body Swappers

EXT. SMITH RESIDENCE. DAY.  
A look from outside at the house. Everything seems to be  
normal. For now...

INT. DINING ROOM. DAY. - CONTINUES  
MORTY, BETH and JERRY sit at the kitchen table having  
breakfast. Then out of nowhere one of Rick's green portals  
appears on the wall, RICK comes out it running and  
screaming.

RICK  
Sh*t, F*ck!

The family is shocked to see that Rick is being followed by  
four humanoid aliens. They look like a mix of armadillo's,  
turtles and flies. The aliens carry laser rifles and scream  
like savage beasts.

BETH  
Dad?!

Rick flips the kitchen table so he and his family can take  
cover behind it. Not lang after that laser fire starts to  
fly through the kitchen.

MORTY  
Rick, what's going on?

RICK  
I'm a little busy being shot at  
right now Morty.

Rick takes out his own laser pistol and starts returning  
fire.

JERRY  
Are these things going to kill us?

RICK  
These Flarfazoids can only sense  
higher brainwaves. They basically  
only attack creatures with high  
intelligence, so you of all people  
should be fine Jerry.

Rick manages to hit one of the Flarfazoids, it falls down  
screaming.

MORTY  
How can this table even block  
lasers?

RICK  
Oh this isn't actually Earth wood,  
I replaced some of the furniture  
with alien technology for this very  
purpose.

JERRY  
Is that also why the wooden planks  
from my karate lessons never break?

RICK  
I'm just saying UUUURP most people  
stop doing karate when they're like  
fourteen Jerry.

Rick takes out a grenade like device from his lab coat. He  
throws it at the remaining Flarfazoids, after which they  
incinerate in a sea of blue flames.

Peace returns to the kitchen. Rick stands up, straightens  
his jacket and casually walks into the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN. DAY. - CONTINUES  
Rick takes a beer out of the fridge and starts drinking it.  
Morty and Beth follow him.

BETH  
Dad, it's not that I don't love  
repairing our house every other  
week, but don't you think you need  
a hobby or something?

RICK  
What do you mean? I've got  
alternate dimensions to discover,  
new snortable crystals to try out,  
do you...do you...do you really  
think I still have time for mundane  
hobbies?

BETH  
Only thing I'm saying is that  
you're not a young man anymore.  
Maybe you should take it a little  
slower from now on. I think it  
would be a great thing for you.  
Plus it also wouldn't bring your  
own grandchildren in mortal danger  
all the time.

RICK  
Oh you were still talking? I wasn't  
listening.

Rick grabs Morty by the arm and starts dragging him towards  
the garage.

RICK - CONTINUES  
Morty can I talk to you in the  
garage for a second?

MORTY  
I...uuhh..I...

INT. DINING ROOM. DAY. - CONTINUES  
Jerry looks at the flipped table with a sad look on his  
face. Beth enters the room.

BETH  
(talks to herself)  
It's not midday yet, wine comes  
later.  
(notices Jerry)  
Jerry, what's the matter?

JERRY  
Do you think I'm not intelligent?

BETH  
Well I...uuhm...well...remember  
that time when you...you knew how  
to program the VCR?

JERRY  
That wasn't me. Summer did that.

BETH  
Oh...well...you're good at...other  
stuff...

JERRY  
You think I'm an idiot don't you!  
Well you're wrong, I'll prove it to  
you!

Jerry angrily walks out of the room, leaving Beth standing  
alone.

BETH  
(sigh)  
F*ck it, that bottle is coming  
open.

INT. GARAGE. DAY.  
RICK  
Okay Morty, check out what I got  
from the Flarfazoids.

MORTY  
Oh jeez, is this gonna be one of  
those instances where you stole  
something dangerous from an even  
more dangerous alien race?

RICK  
Pretty much yeah...  
(takes a small metal cube  
from his jacket)  
Check this baby out!

MORTY  
Uuuhm, you know I've been on a lot  
of trips with you. But that doesn't  
mean I recognize every McGuffin you  
bring in here.

RICK  
Oh yeah that's right, the  
Flarfazoids didn't attack you  
either. This is a device that  
allows me to swap people's minds  
with their bodies.

MORTY  
It what?

RICK  
Think about it Morty, haven't you  
seen any bodyswap movie? It's  
basically that, except for the  
inevitable cheesy morale lesson at  
the end.

MORTY  
So what do you need it for?

RICK  
For a very special mission Morty,  
and I'm gonna need you to come with  
me.

MORTY  
Do I have a choice?

RICK  
Nope! Let's BUUURP go B*tch!

The two disappear through a green portal. As soon as they're  
gone Jerry sneaks into the place and starts searching  
through Rick's stuff. He looks at gadgets, spare parts and  
other scientific equipment.

JERRY  
Telling me I'm not smart. I'll show  
them I can be just as smart as  
Rick. I bet I can build something  
cool too.

He finds an electronic device shaped like an iPad. Only this  
device has a mirror on it and several more buttons.

JERRY - CONTINUES  
Right, probably something smart I  
can do with this. Let's see.

Jerry starts to randomly push buttons. Then a bright white  
flash engulfs him. When the flash disappears, Jerry still  
stands there in a shocked position. Except now he has  
changed. Longer hair, a curvier body, breasts and a higher  
pitched voice. Jerry has turned into a female version of  
himself. She now screams.

EXT. DARK ALIEN PLANET. NIGHT.  
Rick and Morty step out of the green portal. They step onto  
a deserted plane with dark skies hanging above, not the  
greatest place for a human to be. Before them a giant dark  
building shaped like an upside down pyramid rises up.

MORTY  
Rick, what is this place?

RICK  
It's kinda like a storage facility  
Morty.

MORTY  
Huh?

RICK  
I'll explain as soon as we get in  
there.

MORTY  
Get in there?  
(Rick drags Morty along)  
Wait wow!

INT. HALLWAY OF ALIEN STORAGE FACILITY. NIGHT.  
The hallway and its corridors are claustrophobic. Several  
armed alien guards who resemble ants patrol here. Rick looks  
around to see if the coast is clear and then continues to  
drag Morty along.

MORTY  
Rick, what are we looking for?

The duo walks around a corner into...

INT. HALL OF ALIEN STORAGE FACILITY. NIGHT.  
RICK  
Aha, this is it!

The camera zooms out to reveal the giant open hall. The room  
must be a hundred meters high. The walls are stacked with  
man sized cilinder shaped containers, each filled with a  
single person. The people are floating in a mysterious dark  
yellow liquid and are hooked up with several tubes. They all  
seem to be unconscious.

MORTY  
Are all those people stored here?

RICK  
(sarcastic)  
No some evil race of machines uses  
them as batteries and placed their  
consciousness in a fake digital  
world.  
(beat)  
Of course they're being stored.

MORTY  
Alright alright jeez, you don't  
have to be a dick about it.

RICK  
Now we just have to find the right  
body.

MORTY  
Body?

RICK  
Oh that's right, they're just  
bodies. They're stored here for the  
preservation of all kinds of  
different races. It's sorta like  
Noah's Ark, if you're dumb enough  
to believe that crap.

The two walk along the many containers. Indeed all kinds of  
alien races are being held here. Rick then suddenly stops at  
a container with a human male.

RICK - CONTINUES  
(reads the label on the  
container)  
Number 060813, this is the one.

Rick opens the container and the dark yellow fluid flows  
out. Morty looks at it in disgust. Rick takes out the human  
body. It seems to be a version of the perfect embodiment of  
male beauty. Tall, muscular, broad jawline, white teeth etc.

MORTY  
Rick, are you gonna tell me what's  
going on?

RICK  
Well, I haven't been completely  
honest with you Morty. I have used  
this body in the past.

MORTY  
Used it how?

INT. LIVING ROOM OF SMITH RESIDENCE. DAY.  
Beth is sitting there sipping wine a little too fast.  
Awkwardly Female Jerry shuffles into the room. Beth screams  
and immediately stands up.

BETH  
What? Who are you?

FEMALE JERRY  
Beth, it's me. It's Jerry.

BETH  
I'm pretty sure I know what my  
husband looks like from top to  
bottom.

FEMALE JERRY  
(angrily mumbling)  
Would be nice if you'd check out  
the bottom part every once in a  
while...

BETH  
(suddenly recognizes the  
angry mumbling)  
Jerry?! No wait, this doesn't make  
any sense. Prove to me you're  
Jerry.

FEMALE JERRY  
You have ovally shaped birthmarks  
on your left asscheek.

BETH  
What?! Have you been looking on  
Youtube?

FEMALE JERRY  
For God sake Beth it's me! I toyed  
around with a bunch of Rick's  
equipment and now I'm a woman.

BETH  
(surprised)  
Well, how do you like it?

FEMALE JERRY  
Well, I don't know. My pants feel a  
little roomier now, the same cannot  
be said of my shirt though.

Beth looks at Jerry's new body with a mixture of amazement  
and curiosity.

FEMALE JERRY - CONTINUES  
Wait, are you checking me out now?

BETH  
What?! No?! I wouldn't do that.  
Anyway why did you even mess around  
with my dad's stuff?

FEMALE JERRY  
I just wanted to prove I could be  
smart, just like him.

BETH  
Well messing around with my dad's  
dangerous equipment and turning  
yourself into a woman can't really  
be seen as smart Jerry.

INT. BACK INTO THE ALIEN PRISON. NIGHT.  
MORTY  
Why did you replace your own body  
with that one?

RICK  
(once again sarcastic)  
Because I totally love this body  
Morty. I love the balding and the  
painful joints, not to mention the  
pile of STD's I got here.

MORTY  
Rick, that's disgusting. But wait,  
why didn't anyone ever notice you  
looked completely different  
sometimes?

RICK  
Have you seen how many glasses of  
wine your mother goes through every  
day?

Rick takes out the device he stole from the Flarfazoids and  
turns it on. A short flash of light later Rick's body falls  
down. The newly recovered body from the container opens his  
eyes and starts talking in Rick's voice.

RICK - CONTINUES  
Oh hell yeah! Fits like a charm!  
Wabalabadubdub! Okay Morty, now you  
just have to strip my old body  
naked.

MORTY  
What? I don't wanna do that. Why  
don't you do it?

RICK  
It's my old body man, it would be  
weird.

MORTY  
Do you even hear yourself talk?!

Suddenly the prison guards notice them standing there and  
start opening fire.

RICK  
Oh that's just great Morty. Your  
whining just attracted the guards.

Rick grabs the laser pistol from the coat on his old body  
and starts returning fire.

RICK - CONTINUES  
Morty, get the clothes off of my  
old body. Hurry up, reinforcements  
must be incoming.

While panicking, Morty starts to undress Rick's old body.

MORTY  
Iew, oh god, this is so messed up.

The firefight continues, but more and more guards start to  
arrive.

RICK  
You done already? How hard can it  
be to undress your grandfather's  
corpse?

Morty stands up with the pile of Rick's clothes.

MORTY  
It got them!

RICK  
Then let's get out of here  
motherf*cker!

The two make their escape while being chased by the guards.  
They manage to leave the building and step out into the  
deserted plain. The guards still chase them.

MORTY  
What do you need the clothes for?

RICK  
Oh it's not really all of the  
clothes, it's just my lab coat, I  
really like it.

MORTY  
You had me strip you down for  
that?!

RICK  
Well, not only that.

Rick stops and takes his old underwear from out of the pile  
of clothes in Morty's hands. He then throws the underwear  
towards the large number of guard still giving chase.  
As soon as the underwear lands near the aliens, they scream  
and all quickly melt into a pink slurry.

RICK - CONTINUES  
(while putting on his lab  
coat)  
Hepatitis, it's like anthrax mixed  
with acid to them.

MORTY  
Just take us back home.

Rick takes the portal gun out of his lab coat, opens a  
portal and the two walk through it.

INT. LIVING ROOM OF SMITH RESIDENCE. DAY.  
Beth and Female Jerry sit next to each other on the couch.  
At first they don't say anything, they just stare in front  
of each other.

FEMALE JERRY  
So does every woman have that itchy  
feeling I'm experiencing right now?

The green portal opens and Rick and Morty walk through it.

BETH  
Morty, who's this?

MORTY  
Uuuhm well, it's Rick.

BETH  
Am I supposed to believe that?

RICK  
On your ass you have birth marks  
shaped like...

BETH  
Has everyone seen that video?!

MORTY  
Now that we're asking these  
questions, who is this?

FEMALE JERRY  
It's me Morty, it's your dad.  
Rick starts laughing while Morty looks at his new  
fathermother with terror.

RICK  
Oh no way, Jerry turned himself  
into a chick. This is the best day  
of my life. What should we call you  
now? Jerethy? Jerethia? Janey?

FEMALE JERRY  
Will you stop it? Can't you just  
turn me back somehow?

RICK  
I don't know Jessica, the  
technology you messed with is  
pretty advanced. It only works once  
and building another device can  
take a very long time.

FEMALE JERRY  
Oh god...

BETH  
Now hold on Jerrylyn, this doesn't  
have to be a bad thing.

FEMALE JERRY  
Don't you start as well!

RICK  
She's right Jerry, maybe it's  
interesting to go through life as  
the opposite sex for a while.

MORTY  
Why did you have such a device  
anyway Rick?

RICK  
I wanted to use it on Barbara  
Streisand, turning her into a man  
would make her more feminine than  
she is now.

FEMALE JERRY  
How long do I have to go through  
like this?

RICK  
I don't know, couple of weeks  
maybe?

FEMALE JERRY  
Well then, I guess I have to make  
the best of it.

RICK  
You do that sugartits, I'm gonna go  
flex my muscles in the mirror for a  
while.

EXT. CITY CENTER. DAY.  
These couple of scenes are intended to be a montage

Beth and Female Jerry walk along the shopping windows,  
looking at clothes, chocolate and make-up.

INT. CLOTHING STORE. DAY.  
Female Jerry has tried on a dress, it's pretty and pink.  
Beth looks at her and smiles.

INT. CHANGING CABINET. DAY.  
Female Beth looks at herself in the mirror. She looks down  
and starts playing with her new boobs. Then Beth puts her  
head around the curtain and catches Female Jerry doing this.  
She jumps as if she's caught doing something bad, Beth then  
rolls her eyes.

INT. COFFEE SHOP. DAY.  
In a Starbucks-inspired shop the two women have coffee and  
chocolate. They laugh while having a conversation. Then out  
of nowhere Female Jerry starts crying. She's apparently  
having trouble getting used to these new female emotions.  
Montage ends here

INT. GARAGE. DAY.  
Morty casually walks into the room and sees Rick work on  
some scientific device. A pile of empty beer cans can be  
seen on the workbench next to him.

MORTY  
Uuuhm Rick, can I ask you  
something?

RICK  
This better be good Morty.

MORTY  
How exactly did you lose this body  
again? I don't think you ever  
really told me that.

RICK  
If you really must know, I lost  
this body during a poker game.

MORTY  
A poker game?

RICK  
Yeah, like an intergalactic poker  
game. I'm very good at it too,  
until I discovered Durulins don't  
have faces. So you...you could say  
they had some pretty strong poker  
faces.

MORTY  
And that's how you lost this body?

RICK  
(opens a new beer and  
starts drinking)  
Yup...

MORTY  
Do you think you can...you  
know...give me a new body too?

RICK  
Wow wait a minute, you want to swap  
bodies?

MORTY  
Maybe...

RICK  
What's wrong with this body then?

MORTY  
Well...it's hideous. I thought  
maybe you could swap me with  
someone handsome as well.

RICK  
Boy you really are fourteen.  
Alright, come talk to me in a few  
hours and I'll see what I can do.

MORTY  
Thanks Rick, you're the best.  
Morty leaves the garage. Rick watches him with indifference  
while sipping his beer.

RICK  
(mumbling to himself)  
Little dork...

INT. BATHROOM IN SMITH RESIDENCE. DAY.  
Female Jerry walks in and looks at herself in the mirror.  
She's humming a very uplifting tune. Then suddenly while  
humming her high pitched voice drops down to a low male  
voice, just for a second.

FEMALE JERRY  
(back to female voice)  
What the hell?

After looking at herself in the mirror again, she notices  
her breasts start to shrink, almost as if they're being  
drawn back into her chest. Then we hear a plopping sound.  
She looks down and screams. She then runs out of the  
bathroom.

INT. LIVING ROOM OF SMITH RESIDENCE. DAY. - CONTINUES  
Genderless Jerry runs into the room where Beth sits on the  
couch. Beth looks down at Genderless Jerry's crotch in  
disgust.

BETH  
Oh my god Jerry what is that?!

GENDERLESS JERRY  
I don't know! Oh god!

Genderless Jerry's voice goes up and down in pitch randomly.

BETH  
Jesus Christ it looks like a slice  
of roast beef with two escargots  
beneath it.

GENDERLESS JERRY  
Are you telling me I'm both male  
and female at the same time now?!

BETH  
Or none of them at the same time.  
Morty enters the room and is mortified (no pun intended).

MORTY  
Oh Sweet Jesus what is that?! It  
looks like a taco with way too  
large chunks of meat in it!

BETH  
Morty, get your grandfather. He'd  
better fix this right now!

INT. GARAGE. DAY. - CONTINUES  
Morty storms into the garage and discovers Rick sitting  
against the wall. He seems to be very drunk, dozens of empty  
beer cans litter the floor.

MORTY  
Rick, you gotta help dad.  
Something's very wrong with him.

RICK  
He's an idiot, I know. Glad you  
finally joined Club Obvious.

MORTY  
No I'm serious, he's like a man and  
a woman at the same time.

RICK  
You know Morty, I remember why I  
didn't like this body very much.  
Its liver can't handle all the  
booze I take in on a daily basis.  
Now that liver on the other body,  
that was one hell of an organ.

Morty brings Rick back to his feet and pulls him into...

INT. LIVING ROOM OF SMITH RESIDENCE. DAY. - CONTINUES

MORTY  
(points at Genderless  
Jerry)  
Look, do you see what I mean?

RICK  
Holy sh*t, this week just keeps  
getting better. I don't even know  
what to call you know.  
Jerrylynnathea? Okay I'm done milking that joke...

GENDERLESS JERRY  
Rick, I swear to God. If you don't  
fix this problem you're gonna sleep  
on the couch for a month.

RICK  
Still more woman than man in you  
huh? Alright... alright you need a  
new body BUUURP and I need my old  
one. Let's just...let's just go  
back to that facility and get our  
old sh*t back.

MORTY  
Rick, you're drunk. How are we  
supposed to pull that off?

RICK  
Don't worry about it Morty, I've  
got it all figured out.

EXT. DARK ALIEN PLANET. NIGHT.  
A portal opens and Rick falls out of it unto the ground.  
He's so drunk that he can't even stand up straight. Morty  
and Genderless Jerry follow him.

GENDERLESS JERRY  
Well, this is a great plan...

RICK  
(clumsily stands up)  
No...no...I'm totally fine. Let's  
just...let's just get going.

MORTY  
Rick, how are we supposed to get  
past the guards now?

RICK  
Don't worry Morty, I've come up  
with a plan.  
(takes a syringe out of  
his pocket)  
I'm gonna have to infect you with  
hepatitis.

MORTY  
What?!

GENDERLESS JERRY  
Rick, you're not gonna infect my  
son with hepatitis.

RICK  
Listen Jerry, if you don't want to  
be stuck with that...that... pegina  
between your legs for the rest of  
your life you better help me infect  
your son with this STD.

GENDERLESS JERRY  
That is a very weird sentence.

MORTY  
Dad, you can't possibly agree with  
this!

GENDERLESS JERRY  
Well you know, Rick probably has  
some kind of cure for it right?

RICK  
Yeah I'm like BUUURP a genius  
remember Morty?

MORTY  
Really, you can cure me afterwards?

RICK  
Yeah sure whatever, now pull down  
your pants and bend over.

Morty does what he's told and Rick uses the syringe.

MORTY  
Why do you carry a syringe with  
hepatitis with you again?

RICK  
Stop asking questions.

INT. ENTRANCE TO ALIEN PRISON. NIGHT.  
Two armed alien guards are standing inside with their backs  
towards the main entrance. Then from a distance we can hear  
Morty's battlecry getting louder and louder. Suddenly Morty jumps into frame.  
He starts scratching and spitting towards the aliens until they also melt into the  
pink slurry. When Morty is standing there panting angrily,  
Rick and Genderless Jerry join him.

GENDERLESS JERRY  
There you go Morty!

RICK  
Yeah great job, that was very  
gross. No let's move on.

INT. GREAT HALL INSIDE ALIEN FACILITY. NIGHT. - CONTINUES  
The three men (well two men and some other thing) walk into  
the hall. Immediately Rick starts looking for the right  
body.

GENDERLESS JERRY  
You sure there's a right body for  
me in here Rick?

RICK  
I'm more than sure, look at this.  
Rick points at a container where an exact replica of Jerry's  
male body is held.

GENDERLESS JERRY  
They have a version of my body  
here? How did they get that?

RICK  
Don't think about it Jerry.  
Jerry looks at the information written on the side of the  
container.

GENDERLESS JERRY  
Hey, why does it say 'specimen of  
utterly mediocre lifeform' here?

RICK  
I said don't think about it!

Rick releases the body from the container and uses the  
square device to switch Genderless Jerry with male Jerry.

JERRY  
Dear Lord, I've got my own body  
back!

RICK  
Yeah celebrate having a dick some  
other time, we gotta find my old  
body.

MORTY  
Your old body is here too?

RICK  
Yeah several versions of it from  
multiple dimensions.

It doesn't take long before they find a new Rick and the two  
have switched places too.

RICK - CONTINUES  
Oh thank science for this, I can't  
wait to abuse this liver again.

A host of guards come into the hall and start opening fire.  
The three take cover while Rick returns fire again.

RICK - CONTINUES  
Morty you have to help us, you have  
to use your gross powers again.

MORTY  
How am I supposed to do that while  
we're getting shot?!

RICK  
You just have to undress Morty.  
These aliens are so backwards their  
lasers can't even penetrate  
hepatitis.

MORTY  
Are you kidding me?! I've had  
enough of undressing things here.

RICK  
What else do you want Morty? Get  
shot by these things?

JERRY  
Young man you will get naked and  
rub your dingdong all over those  
aliens right now!

MORTY  
(sigh)  
God dammit...

Morty undresses and charges towards the aliens. Indeed their  
laser fire bounces off of him. As soon as he comes in range  
the host of aliens melt.

EXT. DARK ALIEN PLANET. NIGHT. - CONTINUES  
The three run out and jump into the first portal Rick  
manages to create.

INT. GARAGE. DAY. - CONTINUES  
The three appear and are greeted by Beth.

BETH  
Oh my god Jerry you're a man again!

RICK  
Depends on what you can call a  
man...

BETH  
Wait, why is our son naked?

RICK  
(embarrassed)  
Well, I might've given him  
hepatitis...

BETH  
What?!

MORTY  
But you can cure me right Rick?  
Knowing you it'll probably just  
take a second.

Rick looks at his grandson with an 'oh sh*t I'm gonna get  
busted' look and awkwardly shuffles away from the group.  
Morty then slowly realises that he's probably going to have  
hepatitis for the rest of his life.

MORTY - CONTINUES  
Right Rick? Rick? Where are you  
going? Rick?! Oh my god! Rick!

THE END


End file.
